My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm bleeding and have questions
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