i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
