I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
