He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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