I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
