What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
