Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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