hotel room ftw
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
