Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
