Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Barsexuality is the new black.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
