never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
