bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
