you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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