Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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