guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
