Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
