i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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