his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?