I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.