Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am never drinking with the goths again.