I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
