he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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