Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
