You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
