where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is Oprah even human
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
