you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
