Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
