I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
