Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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