The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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