I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
