i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
