i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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