12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Come on in and take your pants off
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