just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it penis luge time yet?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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