Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
