Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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