good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
smell my finger.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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