I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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