wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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