Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
