If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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