Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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