How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
