I think I died a long time ago.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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