No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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