your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
