4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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