the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have post one night stand depression
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
