Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My bed smells like the plague
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