There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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