I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize