OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
