That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
