I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
