My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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