Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
