dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
