Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
