i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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