somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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