ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
