last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
