dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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