I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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