I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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