So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
