I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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