I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
