I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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