I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
