Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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