dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We're too hungover to prance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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