I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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