I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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