so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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