she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
