when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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