Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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