Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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