I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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