She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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