i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
